


The Call of Duty

by triste



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 05:03:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triste/pseuds/triste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fai takes on the task of teaching.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Call of Duty

Title: The Call of Duty  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: Tsubasa Chronicle  
Pairing: Kurogane/Fai  
Rating: PG  
Status: Complete  
Disclaimer: Not mine

~~

Despite Kurogane's opinion, there were certain matters Fai took seriously. His duty as the 'mother figure' of the group was one of them, and although it did explain to some extent the lecture he was about to enforce upon Syaoran and Sakura, his and Kurogane's 'adorable offspring', nobody wanted to ask how he'd managed to acquire the white lab coat he was currently wearing, or where he'd gotten the slide projector.

"Now then!" he began cheerfully, dimming the lights in the room and drawing the attention of its occupants towards himself. "There comes a time for every child when Mommy and Daddy must teach them the facts of life. Since I'm such a responsible adult -" (Kurogane snorted loudly) "- it's only fair that I pass down my knowledge to those who need it."

"Um... Fai-san?" asked Sakura, unsure of herself. "What exactly *are* you going to teach us?"

"I'm going to tell you how babies are made!"

Sakura looked politely puzzled, Syaoran looked embarrassed and Kurogane looked as though he'd really rather be elsewhere. He probably would have gotten up and left already if Fai hadn't tied him to the chair that he was sitting on, and as such was in a very bad temper. Fai seemed not to notice any of the anxiety and annoyance in the air, and he ploughed ahead happily.

"Sad as it seems, all boys eventually reach the stage where they turn into men. Certain changes occur, such as a deepening of the voice, hair growing in places where it's never been before and, most importantly, the production of these teeny, tiny things we call sperm."

Fai presented his first slide with a flourish, gesturing proudly towards the hand-drawn diagram.

"They're too small to see with the naked eye, but this is basically what they look like magnified. Any questions so far?"

Syaoran raised a hand timidly. "Why do all the sperm have smiley faces?"

"They're smiling because they're about to start a journey and they're happy about it!"

"Like the journey we're on?" Sakura inquired.

Fai gave her a smile, pleased to see that at least one person was being receptive towards his talk. "It's the same in that we and they are travelling to reach one goal, but different in that while there's only one Sakura-chan and many feathers, there are many sperm and only one egg. These are what girls produce when they mature and, like boys, they go through changes. Their hips widen, they develop breasts, and they start to ovulate."

Syaoran's face turned pink and he lowered his gaze discreetly while Sakura returned to her former state of bewilderment.

"Ovulate?" she repeated, and Fai stroked his chin pensively.

"That part is somewhat awkward," he admitted. "How can I put it into words?"

"Don't bring up stuff that you're not prepared to explain," Kurogane growled. "How do you expect to teach things if you can't even articulate them?"

"Then Daddy will take over from here," said Fai. "Help Sakura-chan understand how female biology words, okay?"

"That's simple," Kurogane said. "For around one week out of every month, women turn into monsters."

Syaoran's head snapped back up in alarm and Sakura quailed. "M-monsters?" she stammered fearfully.

"Monsters," Kurogane reiterated, nodding grimly. "It's an incurable disease that all females are born with but only develop the symptoms once they hit their teens."

Syaoran, gullible as he was serious, took Kurogane's words as gospel truth, his jaw slack and his skin pale. "But the princess has never..."

"She's fourteen going on fifteen. If she hasn't started yet, she will soon."

"So what are the symptoms?"

"Irritability, irrational hatred towards all things male, a tendency to shout and throw sharp objects, weight gain, skin problems..."

"Are any of these reversible?"

"Only if she starts ageing backwards. There are medicines to help with the pain, but other than that, nothing can be done."

Syaoran gasped, stricken, and Sakura reached out for him, on the verge of tears. "Syaoran-kun," she said, sniffling, "what should I do? I don't want to become a monster!"

"It's all right," Syaoran soothed, sounding close to crying himself. "I'll always stand by you, no matter what happens and no matter what form you'll take in the future. I promise I'll do everything in my power to be of assistance, so please don't worry."

Sakura nodded fretfully and rubbed at her eyes as Syaoran patted her arm in a reassuring fashion, making Fai frown at Kurogane in disappointment.

"Kuro-rin, you're not supposed to scare them!" he said, but Syaoran's expression was determined.

"No, I'm grateful to Kurogane-san for being so informative. Once again, I find myself indebted to him. I must find a way in which to repay his kindness."

"But he was being just a *little* misleading back there. You shouldn't take what he said so literally." Syaoran's mind was made up though and Fai gave one more try, saying, "All right, let's put it this way. Who do you believe more, me or Kuro-pon?"

Syaoran's eyes stared straight at Kurogane and Fai hid his face behind his hands as he give a series of pretend sobs.

"Syaoran-kun doesn't love me anymore! Mommy has lost all respect from his babies!"

"Quit your fake crying!" Kurogane snapped, but Fai's 'boo hoo' noises only got louder, leaving Sakura to forget about her own anguish and hurry to his side, obviously wanting to comfort him but not quite knowing how.

"Don't be sad, Fai-san," she said earnestly, taking his hand, and Fai immediately threw his arms around her and scooped her into a hug.

"I'm a bad mommy!" he wailed piteously. "Even Daddy thinks so!"

"No, I just think you're an idiot," Kurogane muttered, but Sakura was already working the power of her magical healing abilities, squeezing his hand reassuringly and whispering "there, there" and leaving Kurogane with very little doubt as to who was really the child and who was really the adult.

"I think Fai-san is a wonderful mother!" claimed Sakura, causing Fai's melodramatic howls to momentarily cease.

"Do you mean that?" he said, his voice trembling, and Sakura beamed brightly at him.

"Of course! You always know how to cheer me up when I need it most, and you always take such good care of me. Even now you're doing your best to teach Syaoran-kun and myself, and that's why I want to do my best too. I'm a little scared of what might happen, but I promise to try my hardest and deal with it all. It won't be very pleasant when I eventually turn into a monster, but I'll do whatever I can not to cause you trouble."

"About this monster thing. Like I mentioned earlier, Kuro-tan was exaggerating ever so slightly. It's true that female behaviour tends to alter for the worse once a month, but you won't be spitting poison or sprouting devil horns. You'll still be the sweet and adorable Sakura-chan we know so well."

Syaoran's expression turned hopeful. "Then the princess will be fine?" He breathed a sigh of relief when Fai nodded, and turned to Kurogane mournfully. "Kurogane-san, please don't tease me like that. I was so worried!"

"I wasn't teasing!" Kurogane protested. "I was being completely honest!"

"Now, now," said Fai, his good mood restored. "Let's get back to our original subject." He put up a new slide and pointed towards it before adding, "Who can tell me what this is?"

"A flower," Sakura said helpfully.

"Good, good." Fai switched slides, saying, "And can you tell me what this is?"

"A bee?"

"Excellent! Do you know about the relationship between the two?"

"It's mutually beneficial," Syaoran said solemnly. "The bees feed on pollen and they also help transfer it from one flower to another."

"Which, in essence, is the flower's way of reproducing." Fai put up yet another slide, and Sakura's face lit up.

"It's a puppy!"

A different slide was shown, and Sakura giggled.

"And there's a kitty! It looks just like the one we had on the sign of our Cat's Eye Cafe in Outo!"

But the atmosphere soon changed when Fai showed his last slide.

"It's the same puppy and kitty we saw before," Sakura noticed.

"And what are they doing?" Fai prompted.

Syaoran fidgeted, his cheeks flaming. "They're... mounting each other," he mumbled, hanging his head in shame.

"Indeed they are," Fai said cheerfully. "It's another method of reproduction more commonly used in the animal world, although lots of mommies and daddies use it too."

"Is it something you and Kurogane-san do?" Sakura asked innocently, and Kurogane gave a nervous cough before Fai could respond.

"Stop right there," he warned, but Fai, delighted by the fact that Kurogane and Syaoran were now sporting matching blushes, proceeded forward.

"To answer your question, Sakura-chan, I'll need to demonstrate on Kuro-sama."

Kurogane was far from pleased by this turn of events, and he started struggling even harder to free himself without success, causing Syaoran to wonder if Fai had privately broken the promise he'd made to himself by using magic to secure Kurogane to the chair.

"Stay away!" said Kurogane, panicked. "Don't come any closer!"

But Fai paid him no heed, only stopping when he was standing right in front of Kurogane, reversing their roles by forcing Kurogane to crane his neck in order to look at him, rather than it being the other way around.

"Watch carefully, Sakura-chan, Syaoran-kun. When mommies and daddies want to get in the mood for making babies, they do things like these."

Fai leaned in further and Kurogane hissed like a cobra that had just been trodden on, his body language accomplishing what spoken language had not by making Fai back off, but the wizard didn't seem worried about the potential consequences judging by his grin.

"It's very important to have your partner's consent for these activities," Fai advised the wide-eyed Syaoran and Sakura, "but then human beings often exploit each other's weaknesses in order to get what they want, especially when they're in a long-term relationship."

He gave Kurogane a well-placed poke in the ribs that made him gasp and jerk, presenting Fai with the chance he needed to swoop in with the same accuracy as a bird of prey going in for the kill as he kissed Kurogane soundly. Kurogane fought of course, but Fai kept him firmly in place with a hand on the back of his head, only releasing Kurogane's mouth when he finally felt him submit.

"Ah!" said Sakura, surprising everyone by smiling broadly. "I know this!"

"Eh?!" Syaoran was equal parts crushed and horrified, but he forced his voice to remain steady as he spoke. "You've been kissed before, Princess?"

Sakura shook her head. "Oh no, I just remember seeing Touya Nii-sama and Yukito-san doing the same thing in the palace gardens. I had to make a promise to Nii-sama and keep it a secret, and he gave me lots of cakes so that I wouldn't tell anyone."

"But you've told someone just now," Syaoran said, sweating, and Sakura clapped her hands over her mouth guiltily.

"This is perfect!" announced Fai. "If the king of Sakura-chan's country is unable to produce heirs, then the task falls to whoever is next in line to the throne. Sakura-chan, in order to save your kingdom and your bloodline, it is your duty to take Syaoran-kun as your mate and give Daddy and Mommy plenty of grandchildren!"

"I'm just a commoner!" Syaoran stated, trying his utmost to bring reason and logic to the festering chaos. "It isn't right for someone like me to associate with a person of noble birth!"

"All is fair in love and war, Syaoran-kun," Fai said confidently, laughing like he always did whenever he only listened to what he actually wanted to hear. "Now let’s continue the lecture!"

And as Fai's diagrams and demonstrations began to go from being vaguely embarrassing to downright obscene, with Kurogane swearing and Sakura oohing at appropriate intervals, Syaoran silently vowed to remain chaste for as long as he managed to live.

 

End.


End file.
